Newsgroups: alt.drugs

>An entactogen makes one feel that "everything is okay". A general
>feeling of well-being.

>Note that MDMA does not always have this effect. Bad trips on MDMA do
>happen. If there's a lot of negative stuff buried inside, it can get
>suddenly connected with your conscious thought. One person I know took
>some MDMA and couldn't stop crying for about 2 hours.

>Fortunately, it is pretty rare, and most people have very good
>experiences on MDMA. Personally, I think it should be issued to
>people (on a voluntary basis).

Unfortunately, it seems that I am one of these rare cases, I can get the MDMA 
entactogenic effects only when I am in a very safe familiar place with people 
I like a lot already. If not, then I do feel very lonely, incomplete, and I 
usually get obsessed with finding my soul-mate. There is no way I can dance, and 
some times I have cried for quite some time. The only thing I seem to want to 
do is 'Quddle' with someone that I know will feel the same after they've come 
down, and not just because of the drug. 
I have tried to avoid to get imprinted on people (intimate love-wise) because 
I don't think that drugs are there to create love, but to facilitate its 
expression, and I wouldn't start a relationship based on a pill. I have tried 
to feed this need for primal Quddling with having a teddy to Quddle, it has 
freaked people out, and it still does, but hey if a rave is a place where you 
can do what you feel like doing then if I feel like going with my teddy is my 
business.
It sound like regression and believe me it feels like one as well, about 2 
years old I should think. It is obvious to me that Quddling is what I've 
missed (Wilson's Biosurvival circuit, oral, safety etc.) when I was young, It 
is something I will get over by partly supplementing this safety my self and 
partly by finding people that are willing to share their affection with me. 
This the main reason I take MDMA occasionally but  very carefully, because I 
believe that this is a deep need that has to be faced/addressed/resolved 
instead of being suppressed/hidden and forgotten. Many times is hard and can be 
quite painful but I'm moving on and keep on moving.

Now the point I wanted to get to from the start is that under the 
circumstances it sound that it would be a very bad idea to try LSD, well, I 
have more times than MDMA and I have a brilliant time. All I want to do is dance 
and become one with the music, the more parts of the music (even emotions) I 
can express with my body, the better. Is like marring time (music) with space (volume) 
and when I get into it suddenly there is a peak experience that makes me feel great, 
complete, love for everyone especially for those I can sense around me (since I always 
dance with my eyes shut), and I feel Quddled by the whole universe (hence Cosmic Baby). 
My world view changes and by present time seems as a transition, I can see where I'm 
going and where I could go, and everything makes sense, there is no helplessness involved 
like in MDMA nor involuntary regression, just the aware choice of been who I am the way 
I want to be, as curious, sensitive, genuine, enthusiastic as child and as responsible as and 
adult and as caring and understanding as a parent.
Now the problem comes with LSD because is a loners drug, people don't give a shit if you 
feel genuine love for them, as long as you can't express it (with my eyes closed is a bit 
hard). Or maybe I do through my way of  dancing but none seems to understand, I come 
across as a tripping  eccentric loner  who loses it on E and goes around with teddy, 
socially it can be a bit problematic.
Does anybody else gets bad times on E but brilliant times on A or is it just me.

A part-time Cosmic Baby, and his archetypal teddy.
GAGA